I am by nature curious, and fascinated by people. This might explain my career choices as a psychologist and in the early days, as a social worker. It has always felt a privilege to spend time with others, especially if I can support them in any way.  In my personal life I value family and friends, as well as members of my Quaker community, and neighbours. One of the reasons I moved from the depth of the country into a market town was that I wanted to be able to walk into town easily, and so have contact with a number of people each day. it is a joy to speak with local shop-keepers, the Big Issue seller, the library folk, and others I come across.

But – does this mean I am a ‘good communicator’? I like to think so know I sometimes fall down. It is therefore helpful to be reminded that using questions can be an important part of ‘showing an active interest’. However, as I was reminded once after speaking with a teenager, there is a difference between asking gentle questions and coming across, as Monty Python would say, ‘the Spanish Inquisition’. I tried to learn from this, as well as when I was trying to be friendly and welcoming to someone on the autistic spectrum. I suddenly realised that he was looking increasingly anxious, and altered what I was doing. Again I learned from this.

In approaching the task I have tried to show an interest in the people I’ve spent time with today – mainly my family. I have also observed how, for example, how a mother asks her a ‘nearly 4’ year-old son what he did today. She has learned that it’s best to say ‘please tell me 5 things you’ve done today’ as he responds best to this approach. I noticed how well she listened, and explored what he said by asking further questions. It can help to know someone,  although I wonder whether familiarity might sometimes mean we take things for granted? Perhaps if we stop asking questions, we stop really listening, and therefore maybe don’t really show an interest in someone in the way we might?